“Don’t know how to heal, it’s not my gift. Never much worried about it before now.” She laughed and her familiar bark of a laugh was weak.

“Please! Someone help us!” I screamed down the alley toward the roads, and someone heard. I could hear voices and people shouting. “Just hold on Ruzaa, please hold on. Someone will come; we will get you to a healer.” I grasped her hand in mine and I could feel her squeeze them slightly.

I looked at my hands and tried to mimic what Joss and the other healers had done, but all I kept picturing in my mind was what I had done a few minutes ago, and in the arena. All I had ever done with my gift was steal power and destroy. What if I accidentally destroyed Ruzaa, instead of healing her? I let my own fear hold me back.

Her breathing became more ragged and people rushed to aid us. All of them reaching toward her trying to help staunch the flow of blood from her wounds, but there were too many.

“Someone run and get a healer,” a large man yelled.

Ruzaa looked at me and I could see her eyes start to turn glassy, her face was pale. “No one will hurt no more…I did it.” Her hand became slack in mine and I let the people in the alley pull Ruzaa from me and carry her away. I knew it was too late, she had drawn her last breath.

Two pairs of hands reached around my waist and hugged me. I didn’t need to look down to know that it was Pim and Jury. I put my arms around them and cried. We didn’t know who comforted who but we knew we needed each other at that moment.

I felt a familiar pull on my spirit and somehow I knew Kael was near. He came running down the alley, out of breath and pale. He looked upon the mess of carriage parts and stared, he was the only one that noticed the blood pooling underneath the wreckage.

I didn’t care that he had come to rescue me, I was angry and sad, and hurting.

“Where were you?” I cried out loud, letting my frustration out on him. “You who are supposed to protect me, failed. When I needed you most, you weren’t here! And look! Ruzaa’s dead, and it’s all your fault!”

Kael stopped and stared at me, bewildered. Clearly he wasn’t expecting my outburst, but I had just taken three lives and I wasn’t prepared for the emotional havoc it was causing on me. I should never have had to face Scar Lip alone. If only he had killed him when he had the chance, instead of letting him escape then this would never have happened. I wouldn’t be a murderer.

I knew it was unfair, after all, this is why the Queen and the Adepts wanted me to be trained in self-defense. It was what Kael had been preparing me for, to attack, to fight back, to be able to save myself. And I did it, but at what cost? Ruzaa’s life.

Jury and Pim buried their faces into my hip and I turned them away and started walking with them toward the Citadel. Kael reached forward and tried to touch my arm.

I snarled at him, “Don’t touch me. You weren’t here, when I needed you!”

Kael’s hand dropped quickly to his side and he held his breath as if he were in pain, I could tell I just deeply wounded his pride. “You’re right, I should have been here.”

“But you weren’t, and it’s obvious I don’t need you to protect me anymore.”

“Thalia, let me explain…”Kael reached for me again.

“Leave me alone!” I slammed Kael with a flash of power. The blast lifted Kael off of the ground and sent him spinning through the air to hit the wall. I grimaced as I heard the smack of his body against the stone wall.

Kael’s reflexes were those of a fighter. He dropped and nimbly landed in a crouch, ready to spring back into action. Slowly standing to his feet, he circled me, keeping his distance. It was like two wolves sizing each other up, and I had two cubs I was ready to protect.

Kael’s jaw twitched in anger and his blue eyes stared into my own. I wasn’t expecting to hear a pained voice reply, “If that is your wish. You will never see me again.” Kael turned and was gone. Breathing a sigh of relief and remorse, I felt a sudden chill of apprehension of what I had done.

Chapter 29

The next morning I was woken by a very disgruntled Tearsa.

“Wake up!” she hissed, shaking my shoulder roughly.

Groggily, I tried to open my sleep-encrusted eyes.

“I already sent Forrest to wake you earlier, but you wouldn’t answer any of his knocks,” she went on, grumbling, but I only caught bits and pieces as I tried to make sense of my muddied memories from last night. Ruzaa had died and I killed three people. A pain in my chest felt like it was going to explode.

The curtains on the window were thrown open, and the light pouring into my room made me throw the blanket back over my head to block the blinding light. My armoire opened and the not-polite sound of shoes and other objects being thrown around the room made me want to burrow deeper in my covers and hide from the formidable Tearsa. She was obviously on a rampage because she had to personally wake me up.

I groaned because there was no justice in the world. The Adepts questioned the shop owner, Joss and Cooper, and they couldn’t find any deceit in them, even Syrani. Apparently she had nothing to do with the kidnapping and the Septori had been following me for days, and found a lucky moment to grab me. The truth was, Syrani was only being nice to me to get near Joss, but of course she didn’t want to be seen in public next to someone covered in dirt, so the stop was purely to dress me. How typical, how very much like Syrani. What worried me the most was that I hadn’t even had a chance to speak to Joss, to tell him I was fine. I had been sequestered in my room after the battle and given very little time to adjust or mourn for Ruzaa. It was not what I had wanted, nothing happened how I wanted it too.

“No one had a key, so I had to drop everything I was doing to come and help you. The Council Session starts in fifteen minutes and here I am playing maid to you.” Her words finally started to filter through the down comforter into my foggy brain and I sat up in a panic.

“Finally, you realize the importance of the situation,” she harrumphed.

Jumping out of bed, I put on the clothes she had laid out, barely giving them a glance. I tried to run a tangled comb through my disheveled curls from the night before. Using some water I was able to pull them back and secure the curls with a blue ribbon.

I had forgotten that the Queen had called an emergency session and the Adepts asked me to be there for the proceedings.

“Now remember,” Tearsa said as she looked me over, giving me a nod of satisfaction. “You have been asked to sit in, not participate. There is a viewing section to the side where you can watch and listen from. You hear me?” She placed her hand on her hip and began waving her finger at me. “You are not to speak unless spoken to.” Her fingers waved dramatically.

Looking at Tearsa, it was really hard to hold back my tears, she reminded me of Ruzaa. I had made it back to the Citadel last night and Tearsa took one look at Pim and Jury and immediately gave them baths, food and put them to bed. Yes, she was a rough and tough mistress, but she did it for the right reasons. Running to Tearsa I gave her a quick hug, which surprised her and made her blubber in admonishment at me. Shooing me away with her apron, she yelled at me to get going or I was going to be late.

Running down the halls, I was almost to the Council hall when someone grabbed my shirt and pulled me into a small alcove. Warm strong arms embraced me and I started to fight before I looked up into the concerned green eyes of Joss. I was once again struck by how handsome he was and I felt weak in the knees. His hand went to my face and he cupped my cheek before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. At first I was startled, then I struggled and then I melted. It was soft, warm, gentle. Before I could respond in turn to the kiss, he pulled back enough to whisper softly into my ear.