Then I wondered briefly if Jim broke in and was going to stand outside the door harassing me by yelling things like, "I hope you know what you're doing with that thing," or "Claire’s like a sister to me. If you don't make her orgasm six times, I will gut you like a fish."

Thinking about Jim during a time like this was all sorts of wrong and almost made my dick go soft.

Almost.

Claire did some super power maneuver with her vagina that made it feel like that thing had a fist and squeezed my penis like a stress ball. Holy mother of vaginas!

My head was back in the game at that point—a little too back in the game. She felt so good I never wanted to stop, but her little vagina hand kept squeezing me and I wanted to weep it felt so good. She was warm and tight and fit me so perfectly. I wanted to be a total douche and tell her that her vagina felt like warm apple pie, just like in the movies. But not just any apple pie, McDonald's apple pie. The kind that are so warm and delicious they had to put them on the dollar menu so you could afford to eat eleven of them. I would eat eleventy-billion Claire vaginas. The little sounds she made as I drove into her forced my orgasm up through me faster than I wanted it to. Hearing her tell me she didn't want me to stop and that she wanted to feel me almost made my head explode...both of them.

I kissed Claire in an effort to try and slow down my impending orgasm but that just made it worse. Her mouth was the most delicious thing I ever tasted and her tongue sliding against mine made my dick pulse inside of her. Pushing into her welcoming heat as deeply as I could go, my orgasm burst out of me and I almost had a moment of panic that I was going to come so hard it would burst through the condom.

We all knew I had super powerful sperm. It could happen. Again. Those little f**ker's heads were banging against the end of the condom screaming in anarchy, "The man is trying to keep us down! Damn the man!"

After the first throb of my orgasm, a little voice came through the closed bedroom door.

"Mommy, I'm thirsty."

I burst out laughing in the middle of shooting thousands of furious, fist-shaking little sperm into my condom. Claire's legs and arms were wrapped tightly around me and I collapsed right on top of her, careful not to put all of my weight on her. I would like her to still be alive so we could do this again. I'm not much into necrophilia.

We lay there breathing heavily for a few minutes and I started to chuckle again. How could I have forgotten there was a kid in the house? I actually thought an axe murderer might have broken in and was courteously knocking on my door before barging in. For some reason, that seemed more logical than remembering I had a child and he was in the house.

"Mommy!"

"Just a minute!" Claire screamed right by my ear.

I pushed myself up so I could see Claire's face and asked her if we could duct tape him to the bed the next time we did this. I really didn't expect her face to light up as brightly as it did. I was joking about the duct tape. Sort of.

"We'll have to come up with some kind of lie to tell him about what we're doing," she said.

"Do you – fuck, shit-fuck, unnngf! I sputtered while making the “o” face.

There it was again. That vagina squeeze. What the f**k was that?

"Okay, what the f**k did you just do with your vagina? I think I just came again."

She laughed and the motion pushed my shrinking dick right out of her vagina. I wanted to pout at the loss, but then I realized Gavin was still outside our bedroom door.

Wow, we suck. I hope he isn't bleeding from the head or anything.

Sorry, son, mommy and dad were busy playing hide the salami. How's the head wound?

I shifted off of Claire and grabbed some Kleenex from the nightstand to dispose of the condom. I almost smirked at the jizz inside and gave them all the finger. Ha ha little f**kers. Not this time!

"Kegels," Claire said as she quickly grabbed her shirt and threw it over her head and then shimmied into her skirt. It didn't escape my notice that she didn't put her underwear back on.

"Wait, what? Did you say kegels? Why are we talking about cereal?"

At this point Gavin was rattling the door handle so hard I wouldn't be surprised if the thing came off in his hand. I swung my legs off the side of the bed and threw on my boxer briefs, walking over to the door with Claire.

"Not Kellogs, Jenny, kegels," Claire laughed. "And they are the explanation for my awesome vagina."

I wanted to swat her cute little ass for the Jenny comment but didn't have time. She swung open the door to find Gavin standing there with his head against the door jam looking bored.

Claire knelt down and took him in her arms.

"Hey, bud, are you okay? Did you get scared or something?" I asked, ruffling the hair on top of his head.

"What were you guys doing in here?"

Geeze, nothing like getting right to the point.

Claire pulled back from him and looked up at me.

"Uh…ummmm," she stammered.

"Were you guys playing a game?" he asked.

I snickered at that, wondering if Claire would punch me if I told him about the rules of hide the salami. The first rule of hide the salami is never knock on a locked door during the game unless you are bleeding from the eyes or something is on fire. Like your hair. Anything else can wait until the game is over.

"Well, we were making a phone call. A very important phone call," Claire explained.

Gavin looked at her like he didn't believe her.