He laughs. “I live in a permanent rebellious stage.” His fingers graze my knee and slowly move higher. When they reach the garter, he touches the lace. “What’s this?”

“A garter. You’re supposed to take it off and keep it as a memento. K-k-kinda like a trophy for going far sexually with a girl. It’s stupid, really. And kind of d-d-degrading if I think about it too m-m-much.”

“I know what it is,” he says, amusement evident in his voice. “I just wanted to hear your explanation.” He slides it off me slowly, his lips following the path of the garter. “I like it,” he says as he slides my shoes off. The garter follows.

“Do you feel rebellious now?” I ask him.

“Sí. Very rebellious.”

“Remember when you told me you and I were gonna get in trouble one of these days?”

“Yeah.”

“I think that day is here.” I reach up with shaking hands and start unbuttoning his shirt. I slide his shirt open and place slow kisses down his solid, bare chest. I move my kisses lower and lower as I open more buttons. “Want to get in trouble with me, Carlos?”

51

Carlos

Get in trouble with her? Hell, the first minute I laid eyes on her at Flatiron High I was in trouble. Now I’m lost in the sensation of her soft, warm lips on my skin. I let her take control of this. I’m holding back, even though my body is screamin’ for more. Brittany told me to rein in my ego and attitude tonight. Problem is, I don’t have a handle on either one right now.

Her wet tongue reaches out and grazes my left nipple. “Is that o-o-okay?” she asks.

No girl has ever done that to me. Hell, I don’t know if I’d ever let any other girl do that to me. But this isn’t just any other girl; this is Kiara. I have a feeling she could do whatever the hell she wanted right now and I’d be fine with it. “Yeah. Feels damn good, chica. I can’t wait to return the favor.”

My breathing is ragged as I try to urge the rest of my body to calm down as her mouth moves to the other side of my chest.

I need to feel her against me. I never claimed to be patient. “Hey,” I say, lifting her chin. I kiss her softly, wanting nothing more than to have her lying beside me right now. “It’s my turn.”

I slide my jacket off her shoulders and toss it out of our way. My fingers move up the zipper on her back, stopping when I reach the top. When I pull the slide lower and lower, exposing skin I wish I could see but can only imagine, Kiara unbuttons my pants and reaches inside to feel me over my shorts.

“What are you doin’?” I ask her.

“Sorry,” she says quickly, pulling her hand back. “I n-n-needed to do s-s-something with my hands and wanted to know if I was t-t-turning you on.”

I laugh. Leave it to Kiara to go searchin’ in my pants for answers. “Did you feel the evidence?” I ask, amused.

“Yes,” she whispers. “You’re turned on.”

“Just so you know . . .” I take her hand and place it over me again. “Just thinkin’ about you makes me hard.”

I can sense her smile, even though I can’t see it. I imagine her eyelashes are framing her chameleon eyes, which have probably turned a light shade of gray.

I slide her dress down her shoulders and don’t stop until it’s completely off her.

“Your turn,” she whispers, pulling away as I reach out to touch her.

I shrug out of everythin’ but my underwear, then pull her under the covers with me. “You cold?” I ask, noticing a slight shake of her hands when she reaches up and memorizes my face with her fingers.

“No.”

I lean over her and kiss her. “Give me your germs,” I tell her, making fun of Brandon’s take on French kissing.

“Only if you’ll give me yours,” she says against my lips. She opens her mouth to me and we slide our tongues together, the slippery wetness making me even harder— if that was even possible.

We move together, our bodies grinding against each other for what seems like an eternity. I reach inside her panties, feeling her at the same time her hands are wrapped around me.

“I brought a condom,” I tell her when I slide her panties down. We’re both hot and sweaty, and I can’t resist her anymore.

“I did, too,” she whispers against my neck. “But we might not be able to use it.”

“Why not?” I expect her to tell me this was all a mistake, that she really didn’t mean to get me all hot and bothered just to tell me I’m not worthy enough to take her virginity, but it’s the truth.

She clears her throat. “It all d-d-depends on whether or not you’re allergic to l-l-latex.”

Latex? I’ve never been asked that question. Maybe it’s because every other girl I’ve been with expected me to bring protection, or didn’t expect me to use it at all. “Chica, I’m not allergic to anythin’.”

“Good,” she says, reaching for her purse and pulling out a condom package. “You want me to put it on you?”

She can’t see the side of my mouth quirk up. I’m not the virgin here, and yet tonight has been full of firsts for me. “You sure you can figure it out?”

I hear the rip of the package opening. “Do I hear a challenge?” she whispers, then leans forward and says against my lips, “Oh, Carlos. You know I can’t resist a challenge.”

52

Kiara

“Wake up, chica.”

The sound of Carlos’s voice and the gentle touch of his fingers on my naked shoulder makes me stir. My legs are intertwined with his, my head is nestled in the crook of his arm, and memories of what we did a few hours ago are bringing bittersweet feelings to the surface.

I open my eyes. It’s still dark, and we’re both completely naked under the covers. “Hi,” I say, my voice groggy and tired.

“Hey. We need to go.”

“Why? Can’t we just stay here longer?”

He clears his throat and rolls away, the movement bringing the cold night air rushing to my skin. “I forgot I’ve got to bring Alex’s car back tonight.”

“Oh,” I say dumbly. “Okay.” It’s obvious he’s freaking out and regretting what we did. I get it. I don’t know what triggered it just now, but I get it.

“Get dressed,” he says, no emotion in his voice.

When he hands me his jacket after we’re both dressed, I don’t take it from him. “I have my raincoat,” I tell him.

“You left it back in the car, Kiara. Wear this. It’ll protect you from the rain.”

“I don’t need it,” I say, then walk out into the rain in my dress and bare feet. I need his love. I need his honesty. Handing me his jacket is superficial protection anyway. The jacket is wet, inside and out.

In the car, after he shoves the blankets in the trunk and mumbles something about having to go to the Laundromat to clean them, we drive through the dark, empty streets in silence. The only sound is the rain tapping against the windows. I wish rain wouldn’t remind me of tears so much.

“Are you angry with me?” I ask him as I put my raincoat on so he doesn’t see my arms shaking.

“Nope.”

“Then s-s-stop acting like it. Tonight was perfect for me. Please don’t ruin it.”

He pulls into my driveway and parks next to my car. The rain is coming down harder now.

“Wait a few minutes until it lets up,” he says as I gather my shoes and purse.

“How are you getting back home after you drop off the car?”

“I’ll just crash at my brother’s place,” he says.

I watch the droplets of rain make tracks down the car window, then disappear. I can’t stay here for much longer without getting emotional. “Just so you know, I don’t regret tonight. Not one bit.”

He looks right at me. The outside lights shine on his beautiful, strong face. “Listen, I need to figure things out. Everything is so—”

“Complicated,” I say, finishing his sentence. “Let me m-m-make this easy for you, then. I’m not stupid to think things have changed just b-b-because we had sex. You made it p-p-perfectly clear from the beginning you weren’t looking for a girlfriend. There, now I uncomplicated everything. You’re free and clear.”

“Kiara—”

I can’t stand to hear him tell me what a mistake tonight was, despite my declaration that it didn’t have to mean anything. I get out of the car, but instead of running through the rain, I head straight for my car. I need to be in a place where I can think and cry without anyone hearing me. Right now, my car is my sanctuary. If Carlos would just drive off, I could cry in peace.

He opens his window and motions for me to open mine. When I do, he tries to say something. His voice barely carries through the sound of the rain coming down hard between us.

I lean out the car window. “What?”

He leans out his window, meeting me halfway. We’re both wet and soaked, but neither of us seems to care. “Don’t run away from me when I need to tell you somethin’ important.”

“What?” I say, hoping he doesn’t notice the tears running down my face, and praying they’re getting mixed up with the rain.

“Tonight was . . . well, it was perfect for me, too. You’ve turned my world upside down. I’ve fallen in love with you, chica, and it scares the fuckin’ shit outta me. I’ve been shakin’ all night, because I knew it. I’ve tried to deny it, to make you think I wanted you as a fake girlfriend, but that was a lie.”

“I love you, Kiara,” he says before his lips move forward and meet mine.

53

Carlos

“What are you doin’ here?” Alex asks me when I arrive at his place at five a.m.

“I’m movin’ back in,” I say, pushing past him. At least until Keno and I disappear at the end of the month.

“You’re supposed to be at the Westfords’.”

“I can’t stay there anymore,” I tell him.

“Why not?”

“I was kind of hopin’ you wouldn’t ask that.”

My brother winces as he asks, “Did you do somethin’ illegal?”

I shrug. “Maybe in some states. Listen, Alex, I got nowhere else to go. I guess I can always go live on the streets with the other kids whose brothers have kicked ’em out . . .”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Carlos. You know you can’t stay here. Judge’s orders.”

Judge’s orders or not, I can’t take advantage of Westford. He’s one of the good guys that I used to think only existed in movies. “I screwed the Professor’s daughter,” I blurt out. “So can I stay here, or not?”

“Please tell me you’re jokin’.”

“I can’t. It was Homecoming, Alex. And before you give me a lecture on right and wrong, remember that you screwed Brittany for the first time as a bet—on the floor of our cousin’s auto-body shop—on Halloween, no less.”