“You wanna take the Beamer or the truck since it’s coming down pretty good now?”

“The BMW. I’ve seen you drive little brother, you won’t make it back to Denver in one piece in that sports car.”

He had a point and I wanted to get back in one piece because I wanted to get Shaw a phone and pick her up from work and spend the night in bed with her wrapped around me making her whisper my name over and over in that husky voice and maybe, just maybe getting someone to tell me they loved me would apply to her because I wasn’t sure, but that slippery feeling in my chest sure felt a hell of a lot like love.

Chapter 12

Shaw

I was still trying to figure out my new phone. Instead of replacing my broken one with a replacement of the same model Rule had gotten me the brand new version with all the bells and whistles and the thing was ten times smarter than me. I was trying to text Ayden that I was running late for our coffee date because one of my classes had run late. I hadn’t seen her for more than a few minutes in the last couple of weeks so we were meeting to catch up. She was still acting a little off but between always staying at Rule’s place and having him crash at ours, to shifting my schedules around at work and being constantly vigilant to avoid any kind of run in with Gabe since the protection order had been shut down cold like Mark had predicted, pinning her down and making her talk to me hadn’t been possible.

I was developing a pretty good rhythm. On the days I worked I stayed on the Hill with Rule since his place was closer to the bar and he didn’t mind coming to have a drink and waiting for me to get off so he could take me home he and Lou were like the best of friends now. On the days I was at school or volunteered he would show up sometimes around dinner but often right before bedtime and spend the night at my apartment. I had decided to drop my Saturday shift in order to have one weekend night off to spend with him. He liked to go out on Friday and Saturday nights with his friends so I figured it was cool to let him have a night to get his bro-time in while I was working, plus it was fun to have a weekend day off to go shopping or watch a movie when I was so used to being busy all the time. Being with Rule was teaching me that my time was precious and I needed to spend it doing things I wanted as well as the things that were required of me. That was partly why I felt justified in ignoring the calls from my parent’s that had been coming in nonstop since the trip to Brookside.

I finally got the text sent out and got one back saying she already had a seat and had ordered for us. When I got to the coffee house the place was packed but Ayden had secured a spot by one of the windows and was messing around on her phone. A table full of geeky looking guys was trying to get her attention by talking and laughing loudly but she seemed oblivious. I missed our girl time and I wished she would talk to me about what had been bothering her the last month but with so much on my own plate I was well aware that I hadn’t been the best friend as of late.

I flopped in the seat across from her and gratefully scooped up the frothy drink she had ordered for me. She made a face at me and put her phone away. “I almost saw your boyfriend naked this morning.”

I laughed at the look on her face. “I don’t know what to say to that, you’re welcome?”

She crinkled her nose at me. “He doesn’t have much shame does he?”

“You’ve met Rule, right?”

She picked up her own drink and peered at me over the top of the cup. “I guess he doesn’t really have much to worry about does he? I don’t know how you don’t get distracted by all that stuff inked all over him, I think I would spend all my time looking at his tattoos rather than getting down to business.”

“It’s fun.”

“I bet.” She had a faraway look in her pretty eyes that I just couldn’t let slide anymore.

“Come on Ayden; tell me what’s going on with you lately. I know I’ve been wrapped up in my own nonsense but I can see the change in you. You look so sad all the time and that’s just not like you.”

Her whiskey toned gaze shifted from one side to another before settling on the table between us. She set her coffee down and traced the rim of the cup with her finger.

“I don’t know, I mean I know but not really.” I just watched her because I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “I used to think I had it all figured out school, boys, my future, all of it. I knew that coming from nothing and no one didn’t matter because I was on the right track and I was going to be something great and now I just don’t know.”

“What brought this on?”

“The night at the rock bar, the night I had Jet take me home I practically threw myself at him.” I saw her flinch a little. “He was polite enough about it all but said I wasn’t really his type and that nice girls like me deserved better.”

“Well that seems chivalrous and nice of him, not life altering.”

“That’s the thing Shaw, I’m a nice girl now but you have no idea about the life I lived before I moved to Colorado. When I was in Kentucky I was out of control. I partied, messed around in all kinds of bad stuff, played around with too many guys and I was a mess inside and out. It took a miracle to get me into this school and away from all of that but part of me is still that girl and when Jet turned me down it just made both parts of me go a little sideways. He’s cute and in a band, I was mad, really mad when he rejected me on the basis of being a good girl, that’s just not who I think I want to be. I’ve been struggling with it ever since.”

I set my coffee down and looked at her out of narrowed eyes. “You let a guy get all up in your head after one brief encounter? That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“There was something about this guy, Shaw. I don’t know what it was.”

“Ayden you’re amazing. I don’t care what your life was like before because now you’re loyal and kind, you make me laugh, you’re smarter than practically anyone I know, you’re ridiculously beautiful and we both know that there have been times in the last couple of years that the only thing holding me together was you. I’ve meet Jet a few times and he is nice and definitely a babe but he’s also a rock and roll guy that comes with legions of rock and roll groupies fawning all over him so whatever moment you had with him is not worth this mopey, self-doubt he seems to have spawned in you.”

“This from the girl that pinned over her guy in silence for almost a full decade?” Her sarcasm was biting but well deserved.

“Yes and look how miserable and lonely it made me. All I’m saying is that if a guy can’t appreciate you for how wonderful you are then he isn’t worth it and if he doesn’t want to sully your good image, whether it is real or not then I hate to say it but that just sounds like maybe he wasn’t interested. You are pretty country and he is pretty rock I mean I know I’ve been drowning in opposites attract and all that stupid nonsense for my whole life with Rule but maybe they really don’t and you just weren’t his type. I’ve seen the girls that gravitate to these guys when they go out, heck I’ve walked in on Rule with them over and over again and trust me big brains, self-confidence and ambition are not things these women bring to the table.”

She exhaled loudly. “Maybe. It just made me wonder about what I’m doing. I date, I have a pretty good time, I love living with you and I’m awesome at school but I feel like something is missing and when I see your super-hot, half-dressed boyfriend covered in tattoos looking all sleepy and satisfied I get a little burn near my heart that hurts. I think I’m lonely and not for something casual and simple. Trust me I had plenty of that when I was younger.”

I laughed a little and scraped off some of the foam of my drink with my finger and popped it in my mouth. I think the table of geeks gasped but I wasn’t sure because when I looked back up at them they were all frantically typing away on their laptops.

“So you pick a heavy metal singer to get all mushy and sentimental over? Man we’ve got marvelous taste in men.”

She laughed with me and leaned back to cross her long legs at the ankle. “I think it’ll probably fade away but in the mean time I need to get my head around moving forward without totally forgetting who I am, I mean look at you. You’re not suddenly covered head to toe in ink and sporting a face full of extreme piercings. You took all the parts of Rule’s make your own rules philosophy and used it mellow out and take control of your own destiny not turn into a new you.”

She was partly right. I figured it was probably too much information to tell her I had been seriously considering getting my nipples pierced. Rule was always telling me how sensitive they were, how easy it was to get me turned on and all worked up and ready to blow by just playing with them and after having intimate contact on a repeated basis with someone that had piercings through strategic parts of their anatomy I knew exactly how the little pieces of jewelry could enhance the experience. It had always been Rule for me so I didn’t know what it was like to be with anyone that didn’t have barbells in their cock and through their tongue, but as good as it was with him I had no desire to find out how it was with someone unadorned. I didn’t want them for him, I wanted them for me but I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit to something that big yet.

“He influences me, he always has but I don’t want to be with someone that only wants to be with me just to change me.”

“I know and neither would I. I think when I left home I had the idea that if I didn’t change I was just going to be stuck in that endless rut forever and somehow I lost everything, even the good stuff about the pre-Denver Ayden.”

I reached out and squeezed the hand she had resting on the table. “Maybe you’re just entering a new phase, maybe this isn’t new Ayden or old Ayden but a excellent new incantation of both. You’re fine, whoever and whatever you want to be is just fine.”

“I sure hope so. So have you seen or heard anything from Gabe?”

I shook my head and kicked back in the seat. “No. I’ve seen him on campus coming and going but he keeps his distance. Rule’s retired cop friend says he heard that Judge Davenport wasn’t happy to have his son’s name come up in open court so maybe he put a leash on him. The guys have been really good about keeping me close so I don’t think he has the nerve to go up against Rule or Rome and I’m purposely avoiding all contact with my parents so if he’s trying to enlist them it isn’t doing him any good.”

“So what’s your long term plan? Rome has to go back to playing solider soon and as much as I’m sure Rule likes keeping you close eventually it’s gotta get old. The honeymoon phase won’t last forever.”

I was worried about that myself. Right now he seemed to like hanging out at the bar and didn’t seem to mind juggling our hectic schedules back and forth to see each other and to keep his eye on me, but I agreed with her that it couldn’t last much longer.

“I just don’t know what to do. If the legal system can’t help and my own parents are working against me to keep him off my back I just don’t know. I wish he would just find another girl that is socially acceptable and forget about me.”