“I have only a hazy idea of why you should be sorry,” I said gently. “But I’d like to know what became of it after she read it.” Whatever had become of it, I told myself that it was all my own fault for creating such a betraying diary. The magic had made me do it, I thought fiercely, trying to free myself from guilt on that score. And abruptly I realized the other half of that truth. “Let us understand one thing, Epiny,” I told her. “The magic was what spurred me to write that journal in such a way. It acted on me to create it, and it also acted on me to leave it behind when I fled. I suspect that you, too, were but its instrument when you sent it to Old Thares to fall into your mother’s hands. Whatever she has done with it is what the magic wished her to do. The magic is a powerful force, like a river. We can build our levees and dams, but when the river grows strong with rain and snowmelt, it breaks all the man-made barriers aside and flows in its rightful bed. And that is what it has done to us, and that odd current has carried it to your mother’s hands.”
I took a deep breath and tried to sound calm as I asked, “Do you know what she has done with it?”
She bit her lip. The baby snuggled against her seemed to sense her mother’s sudden worry, for she gave a squeaky cry and then was still again. “I know she wanted to take it to the Queen. My father was furious at the suggestion. I do not think he would read it after I asked him not to, but he would know something of what was in it. My mother would see to that. And he, he would not be pleased, Nevare, by the things she would surely tell him. He said that she did not seem to understand that anything she did that brought shame on the Burvelles of the East would reflect just as badly on our branch of the family. He says she is so accustomed to thinking of herself as superior to his family that she does not perceive that we would be painted with the same brush!”
Her voice had been rising and rising as her anger increased. Now little Solina stirred, lifted her head, and began to wail stridently. “Hush, dear, hush. Mama isn’t angry with you.” She gave me an apologetic sideways glance. “She is getting hungry. Soon I will have to feed her.”
“Must you start back to town then?” I asked stupidly.
For a long instant, she just stared at me and then I said, “Oh. Well, I’m certain that Kesey would be happy to offer you the privacy of his cabin for that.”
I gave her my hand to help her down from the cart. As we walked to the cabin, she said, “Sometimes I try to imagine my mother taking care of me as I take care of Solina. It’s hard. There were always maids and nannies and wet nurses when I was small. But I cannot imagine her carrying me and birthing me and not loving me as I love Solina. So sometimes I speak ill of her, but even when I do, I know that I love her. Isn’t that peculiar, Nevare? She is vain and arrogant, and well, more clever than intelligent. She does things I don’t admire at all. And still I love her. Do you think I’m weak or foolish?”
My mouth twisted in a smile. “Do you think I’m weak or foolish for still loving my father?”
“Not at all.” She smiled sadly. “It is so strange, Nevare. Yaril writes that your father now speaks as if he deliberately sent you off to be a soldier, and that soon you will come home ‘covered in glory.’ She says that there are just parts of the past that he doesn’t accept anymore. He no longer asks for your mother or the other children. But he persists in believing that you will be his noble soldier son and gain renown.” She sighed. “He is not unlike my mother in that regard. Did you know she has forgiven me for marrying Spink? She even sent me a letter.”
“She did? Epiny, that’s wonderful!”
She smiled wryly. “It was full of questions about the success of Lady Kester’s water business and the baths that are to be built there. She wanted to know if there would be special accommodations ‘for family.’”
She laughed aloud at the thought of her proud mother claiming Lady Kester as “family” and then, at my puzzled expression, exclaimed, “Oh, I haven’t had time to tell you about that, have I? Dr. Amicas took seriously what we told him. He made a long trek to Bitter Springs and took back casks of the water to study. No one knows why, but it does seem to prevent or lessen plague outbreaks. And as Spink and I can both attest, it does wonders for the survivors. He tested it first on the Academy cadets, the ones who had suffered ill health since the plague outbreak. When they showed signs of recovery, he ordered more water be sent, and recalled many of the cadets who had been sent home as invalids. The recoveries have been amazing.”