His breaths were slow and controlled. He was holding himself back. I had a bad feeling that when he let go of the control, it would be like unleashing a wild animal.

The blue in his eyes was almost black. I frowned, “You okay?”

He bit his lip and nodded.

I dropped to my knees, dragging his jeans to the floor. His legs were thick and strong. I unlaced his boots slowly, knowing how close my face was, in relation to his groin. His tight, white underwear had a wide band with Calvin across them. I looked up at his thick erection, outlined behind the white cotton. I wanted to pull it out, but I assumed that would be too much for him. He was already wound tight.

I pulled off one boot and then the other.

His jeans were hard to take off, but when I got them off, I sat back and looked at him. The black socks were wrecking the picture. I lifted his feet one at a time and pulled them off. Then I sat back and made a mental picture. I wanted this to be the way I always remembered him.

My gaze travelled his body slowly. When I reached his face, I nodded, “Okay, but it has to be slow.”

He leapt, sweeping me into his arms in a fluid motion. He laid me on the bed on my back, tugging at my shirt. He pulled it up, but stopped when it reached my eyes. It became a blindfold that trapped my arms above my head. His lips brushed against mine, like a butterfly kiss. He planted them everywhere. He dragged my bra up my body, doing the same as my shirt. I was helpless and blind. His mouth hovered over my left nipple, I shivered when I felt the heat of his breath there. He lowered, taking the whole nipple into his mouth. I moaned, arching my back but his hand still held my arms above my head and my shirt over my eyes. He sucked slowly, swirling his tongue and flicking. He kissed the mound of my breast and made a path of hot, wet kisses to my mouth. He sucked my lip and finally thrust his tongue in my mouth, releasing my hands. I struggled to get the shirt off.

His hands were finding other places to explore, running up and down my inner thigh. Tracing softly on the cotton of my underwear. He slipped them to the side, running a finger up the center of my lips.

I sucked in a sharp inhale and held it, as his finger made its way into me. He moved slowly, stroking my abdomen and sliding his finger in and out of me. He sat up, watching me as he methodically moved his finger. He pulled his finger from me and ripped my underwear down all the way. They were still looped around one foot, when he spread my legs as far as they would go. He looked down on me. I closed my eyes, I couldn’t watch him see me spread apart. He bent his face, kissing my inner thigh. My stomach was in knots still. I waited in agony until he licked the entire length of my slit. Then I contracted, gripping the blankets.

He murmured into the kisses and sucks, “You taste good. I knew you would.”

I shook my head, “Shhhh. No talking.”

He chuckled, licking again, but this time he pushed his finger inside of me. The licking and sucking, combined with the thrusting, and I felt my body break into a flush.

“Cum for me, princess,” he murmured. As if because he commanded it, I did. I covered my hands over my face, knowing he’d just watched me orgasm, in a bright bedroom. I couldn’t focus on it though. My whole body was contracting and twitching.

He kissed the inside of my leg and sat up. I could feel his eyes bearing down on me. He bent forward, kissing me and I could taste myself on his lips. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but it was there.

“Open your eyes, princess.”

I shook my head, clutching my hands to my eyes.

He kisses my cheek, “Please.” He pried my hands from my face.

I opened them, discovering a look in his eyes, I’d only ever seen when he was on stage. It was the passion, and anger, and pain, and bliss, and joy he felt when he was singing. That dark look was there. He maintained my stare, when he pushed inside of me. It hurt for a second. It had been a long time since my last partner and he was much larger than any of them. But he pushed in slowly, letting me get used to him. He thrust once and bent his face, “You feel as good as I knew you would,” he whispered into my neck.

His body moved against mine in a rhythmic way. I found myself pushing back, grinding and rotating against him. His hands caressed, worshiping almost, as his lips placed kisses everywhere. It was slow, and not at all, what I was expecting. His self-control was insane, considering he’d looked like he was going to maul me, when I was undressing him.

I’d never had an orgasm with actual sex before, beyond my vibrator, so when the build up started, I felt my eyes widen. He increased the speed, “Look into my eyes when you cum.”

My breaths shortened and became the sound he always made me make. He gripped my ass, lifting me up and pumped harder. “You look at me when you cum. I want you to remember this moment.”

I reached above me, grabbing the rails that made up the headboard. I used them to get the angle I needed. I didn’t even know I needed it, until my body started to lift and clutch. He gave me his cocky one-sided smile when he felt it. I tried to keep looking at him, but my body was fire. I focused on the blue of his eyes and how black they had gotten. I could see the demons swirling around inside of the blacks of his eyes. My body clenched and convulsed and my eyes closed, with the intense look on his face burned into my memory. It was the same one he got when he sang.

I got to have him the way I wanted him.

I cried out, wrapping my legs around him, forcing him to freeze for a second. Every muscle tensed to the point my calf started to cramp up. I flexed my foot and straightened my leg, “My calf… cramping.”

He pressed on my foot until it went away.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, “What the fuck?” I asked breathlessly.

He laughed, “I’m not done showing you that, I need to put a condom on.”

I shook my head, “I’m on the pill.” I always was, just in case. ‘Course this was the first time I was letting just in case happen.

He didn’t need anything beyond that. He lifted me up higher and thrust into me like the animal, I knew he would be. It wasn’t slow anymore. He gripped my thighs so hard I was sure to bruise. I was covering my mouth to muffle the screams leaving my lips, when his body tensed and I felt him finish inside of me. He jerked and collapsed on me, squishing me in a good way.

Everything changed in that moment.

He kissed my arm, my breast, my chest, my throat and then my cheek.

Everything changed, and I prayed it wouldn’t be awkward as ass.

Chapter Eight

The record deal

We didn’t leave the bed for twenty hours, probably scared of what was waiting in the real world. We slept and had sex again and talked. He cut up a plate of fruit and cheese, and brought a packet of crackers, when the hunger was too much. We ate in my bed, which made me laugh. I wasn’t kicking him out of bed for cracker crumbs. I was changing my sheets though.

He looked at his huge cuff watch, “I have to go. You coming?”

I wanted to be supportive but I shook my head, “I think it’s better if I don’t come.”

He looked hurt.

I kissed his stubble-covered cheek, “I want to be there, but I don’t want to watch you sign girls’ boobs and arms and stomachs.”

He laughed, “Fair enough. I sign paper too, ya know? Maybe like one in twenty girls asks for a body signing and they ask the other guys too.”

I shook it off and pointed at the huge pile of books in the corner, “I don’t want to talk about it, and I have homework anyway.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. I watched him get out of bed. He had a nice ass. It was the kind that you wanted to bite. “How is your body so fit?”

He looked down on himself, “You enjoying the view?”

A smile crossed my lips, “Yup.”

He shrugged, “I lift weights a few times a week, I run, I don’t know. I do a show every night, that’s a lot of calories.”

I winked, “But you eat a ton. You know it’s going to catch up with you. You’ll be three hundred pounds by the time you’re forty.”

He dropped to his knees in front of me, “You better still love me then, if I am.”

It was an awkward moment for us both.

I felt myself closing off, but he was the antidote to my natural wall building. He pointed, “Stop that. I just meant if I get fat, you better still want to be with me.”

I laughed and fought the awkwardness, “If you want me to want you in twenty years, then you better still look like David Beckham.”

He blushed, “You think I look like Beck?”

I shrugged, “Kinda. The tats, the hair, intense eyes, and the muscled body, but not crazy thick. You’re still lean. You’re handsome like him. Yeah, if I had to say anyone, I would say him.”

I watched him look bashful, for the first time ever, and jumped out of bed, “Yeah, I’m coming.” I pulled on a tee shirt and some cargo pants.

“You sure?”

I looked at him, studied him and nodded, “Positive. You can’t go alone. Those bitches will eat you alive.”

He scoffed, “Stay here if you’re going to be mad at yourself for not finishing your homework.”

I rolled my eyes, “I’ll lay here and wonder what you’re doing.”

“I don’t want that. I want you to be able to do your thing and me do mine, and neither of us worry what the other person is doing.”

I took a breath and looked at the stack of books, “No, you’re right. You go. I’ll wait here.”

He kissed me once and it was enough. He was right. Acting like a psycho, wasn’t going to make dating him easier.

Of course it lasted about an hour. Then I couldn’t take it any longer. My eyes wouldn’t focus on the book I wasn’t reading, and I had already watched three performances of his singing on YouTube.

I ran out the door, barely even paying attention to anything, except of course, my mace. I wasn’t ready to let that go. All women in a city alone needed mace, it was like a religion for me.

I sprinted down the stairs and up the block to the bar. The Sunday night performance was the least popular one. They had talked about cutting it. But when I got around the block I gasped at the lineup.