When I got to work, a familiar truck was parked at the curb and I could see one very blond head and one darker one with hot pink spikes, turned toward each other. The windows were up, so I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Shaw looked mad and Rule was frowning, hard. When she caught sight of me walking by, she waved and started to scoot across the seat to the passenger door. I laughed to myself when Rule promptly pulled her back and planted a steamy kiss on her open mouth before letting her go. She was flushed and breathing hard when she walked around the front of the vehicle to stand by me. I gave her a look and she rolled her eyes at me. The driver’s window rolled down and Rule stuck his head out. No boy should be that good-looking, especially when half his face had holes and jewelry in it, but there was just something about him that commanded attention and refused to be ignored.

I had to grin at him when he asked, “Do you need me to go stomp on Jet’s head for you? That was a total dick move he pulled last night and I will gladly do it.”

I shook my head and let Shaw lace her arm through mine. “Naw, we kind of made up.”

He lifted the eyebrow with the rings in it and gave me a lascivious grin. “Does that mean you finally got naked together?”

Shaw gasped and snapped, “Rule!” but I just laughed until tears came out of the corners of my eyes. “No, not yet, but I’m working on it.”

He smacked the side of the truck with the flat of his hand. “Atta girl.” He pointed a finger at Shaw. “You think about what I said this morning, Casper.”

Shaw made a face next to me, but hollered, “I love you, jackass!” at him when he started to roll up the window. He blew her a kiss, which made her flip him off, and started to tug me toward the bar. I tried to get her to slow her frantic pace but she was clearly worked up and in no mood to be soothed.

“What’s going on with you two?”

She cut me a sideways glance and pulled open the heavy back door. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You tore out of there like the place was on fire last night, and I never heard a word. I know you had to have been pissed at Jet, so what happened?”

I threw my bag on the bench and started digging around. “You go first. You talk and I’ll get dressed, and I’ll tell you what happened with us after.” I was feeling like I needed a little oomph today after yesterday’s debacle, so I went with the football uniform. I liked the white-hot pants with the blue piping and laces, and in all actuality they covered more than either the referee uniform or the cheerleader uniform did. Plus, I could wear tennis shoes with it and still look hot enough to get good tips. I heard Shaw sigh and watched as she twisted her long, two-toned hair into a braid.

“Rome is coming home in a few months. Like home, home. He’ll be out of the army for good.” Rome was Rule’s older brother and they were super close, but due to a recent, startling family secret being brought to light, he was furious with his parents. I guess he was not even getting along all that well with Rule at the moment, but he supposedly had forgiven Shaw for her part in keeping the secret for years and years.

I slimed some junk in my hands and ran it through my hair to get it to lie flat, and then tugged the front up into a little poof. I shoved a blue-and-orange silk flower behind my ear and worked on doing some basic maintenance to my face.

“Well, that’s good, right?”

She groaned and let her head fall against the closed locker she was leaning against. “Rule has it in his head that when Rome gets back, he won’t go to his parents’ home at all, and is going to need a place to stay. He wants to buy a house for us and let Rome take over the lease on the apartment with Nash.”

I stopped smacking my lips and doing my lipstick to look at her incredulously. “Why aren’t you excited? That sounds amazing. Most girls get flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day, and you get your dream guy offering to buy you a house.”

She turned to look at me and I saw her chew on her bottom lip like she did when she was nervous or worried about something. “I don’t know. I guess because I always thought I would do things in order, you know? Fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids. All of that stuff goes hand in hand and I’m not even close to being done with school yet. It just seems like a huge step and if he changes his mind or whatever, then what do I do?”

“Shaw, that guy loves you like you’re his reason for being. He isn’t going to change his mind, and unless you think this isn’t a forever thing, then what should the order it happens in matter?”

She sighed again and played with the ends of her braid. “I know for me it’s a forever thing, and I believe that he feels the same way, but Rule gets dangerous when he feels trapped. It scares me what he might do when he has to pay a mortgage and come home to the same person every night.”

I poked her in the shoulder. “He comes home to you every night now. Stop making it into something it isn’t. You guys love each other and it doesn’t matter if it’s in an apartment or a mansion or a freaking tent in the wilderness. You’re still going to love each other, and Rule will be fine. Besides, did you ever stop to think maybe he wants to do something to make Rome’s life easier? Rome has always protected both of you. Maybe this is Rule’s way of trying to return the favor.”

I saw something in her green eyes flare and a little bit of the tension in her face release. “Thanks, Ayd, I needed to hear that.”

I shrugged and situated my phone in my bra. “No problem.”

“Sooooo, what about you and Jet? I saw how you looked when you came back to the table. I thought we were either going to have to make up an alibi for you and help you move the body or hose you down.”

“Rowdy took me home and let me rage at him for an hour. I was pissed, but then Jet showed up this morning and we talked. We’re good now.”

“What does ‘good’ mean?”

“I’m not really sure. I guess we agreed that for now we’re attracted to each other on a pretty serious level and we should see where that goes.”

She lifted a pale eyebrow as we went to find Lou and get our stations for the day. “So you agreed to have sex?”

I rolled my eyes at her. “We agreed to see how things play out while remaining friends. Jet isn’t the kind of guy you marry and have kids with. He’s the guy who makes you forget your name and rocks your world. We like each other and it’s getting old trying to pretend something isn’t there, but we have very different ideas about some things, so it’s unlikely that it’ll ever be more than some intense chemistry and hopefully really good times for as long as it lasts.” I was proud at how calmly I said this, because my heart was hammering under Shaw’s intense scrutiny.

At first she was silent, and I wanted to say more, but Lou wrapped us up in a giant bear hug. The front doors were opened and we had to hit the ground running. She looked at me over her shoulder and tossed out, “Be careful, Ayd,” which I chose not to read too much into.

I knew Shaw was the kind of girl who believed in a great love. She had fought long and hard to get Rule. She had battled her family and his family, and her biggest hurdle had been Rule himself. I don’t think I would have ever put that much effort into it. The only thing I focused on, the only thing I ever labored over and sweated about, was building myself a life that couldn’t topple over, and establishing a future that was rock solid and indestructible. I wanted old Ayden buried so far under new Ayden there could be no way for her to claw her way back to the surface.

Security would always win in any game where love or any other emotion was a consideration, and that was just the way it had to be. I was willing to see what Jet and I could do with all the heat that burned between us, as long as the fire was controlled. As soon as it got out of hand, burned too hot, I would have to put it out and walk away, no matter how bad it might hurt me or him.

Chapter 6

I was at loose ends, with time on my hands and restless because I still didn’t know exactly what I was going to do with this thing happening between me and Ayden.

She was at work, Cora was in a mood, and the guys were all scattered across town doing this or that. I found myself heading to Federal Heights, and to a familiar brick house that I normally avoided like the plague. I called first to make sure the old man was nowhere around and parked on the crowded street. I made enough money that I could move my mom somewhere nice, somewhere closer to downtown, somewhere safer and more upscale, but I wouldn’t do it until she left that asshole. She just refused to see the light. I jogged up the cracked cement steps and rang the doorbell, gritting my teeth when, instead of dinging, it gave off a little shock. If he couldn’t be bothered to fix something as simple as the doorbell, it made my head go crazy with all the other stuff he was bound to have neglected.

I pounded on the door with the edge of my fist and scowled at my mom when she pulled open the door. She was a slight woman, several inches smaller than me. Even under the premature lines on her face and beneath the crown of dull brown hair, it was easy to see that at one time she had been a beautiful woman. Now she just looked tired and worn. The smile she gave me was fragile and so fleeting I might have imagined it had she not embraced me with birdlike arms in a hug that felt like it was equal parts desperation and sorrow.

“Hey, Ma, it’s been a while.” I patted her awkwardly on the back and felt a shudder go through her. Everything about her made me want to take my dad out and use him for target practice. He had done this to her, stolen her vibrancy, made her into this walking shadow of a woman. The hatred I had for him was coiled inside me so tightly I knew it was going to be dangerous for everyone when it finally snapped. The flames of my anger were already starting to lick and curl up my spine.

“I thought you were on tour still.”

She ushered me into the drab house, and I tried not to shake my head at the scattered beer cans and ashtrays filled with cigarette butts littering every available surface. Not much had changed since I had left when I was just a kid, only now it looked worse. It was clear my dad was escalating on the worthless-piece-of-shit scale. I followed her into the kitchen and sat at the old dinner table. The wood groaned in protest as I stretched out my legs and took the beer she offered me from the fridge. I popped the top and took a long slug.

“I’ve been back awhile. Dad didn’t tell you?”

She shook her head, and I saw something that went beyond sadness shadow her searching gaze. “Why didn’t you call me yourself? I could have made dinner or something.”

I never told her when I was coming or going, because inevitably she would want to spend some kind of family time together, and that never went well. I barely tolerated my dad on a good day, and watching him demean her and order her around in the house she paid for was just too much.

“I’ve been busy working with some new bands, and I met a girl.” It was fudging the truth a little, considering I had known Ayden for more than a year, but after this morning I felt like I was finally getting let in, being introduced to the real her. I saw my mom’s eyes brighten at the mention of a girl and she reached out to pat my hand. I could see the blue veins running so close to the surface of her skin and again I wondered how she had allowed herself to become this delicate creature that a stiff wind could blow away forever.