I awoke to low voices. “Then he is well enough to rise and eat?” Chade asked.
“Barely,” Lord Golden replied. “Better to go slowly. He has no reserves of strength to call upon. Yet if you set tasks before him now, he will still—”
“I’m awake,” I called out. It came out as a croak. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Chade, I’m awake.”
He came quickly to the door of the room and smiled in at me. His white hair gleamed in shining curls and he seemed vital and energetic. He looked down with disdain at Kettricken’s cushion beside my bed. “Let me get a chair, boy, and I’ll sit and we’ll chat a bit. You’re looking much better.”
“I can get up.”
“Can you? Ah. Well, take my hand and up you come. No, let me help you, don’t be stubborn. Shall we sit by the fire?”
Thus he spoke to me, as if I were a trifle simple. I accepted it as his concern for me, and allowed him to support me as I walked. I lowered myself into one of the cushioned chairs before the hearth. He took the other with a sigh. I looked about for the Fool, but Lord Golden was busy at his desk again.
Chade smiled at me and stretched his feet out toward the fire. “I’m so glad to see you doing so well, Fitz. You gave us quite a scare. It took everything we could muster to pull you back.”
“And that is something we need to talk about,” I told him gravely.
“Yes, but not just now. For now, you are to take things slowly and not tax yourself. Sleep and food are what you chiefly need.”
“Real food,” I stipulated firmly. “Meat. I won’t gain any strength on that pap they sent up this morning.”
His eyebrows rose. “Feeling crotchety, are we? Well, that’s to be expected. I’ll see you get meat at noon. All you had to do was tell us you were ready for it. After all, up until a few moments ago, I hadn’t even heard you speak since we brought you home.”
It was unreasonable, but I felt my temper rise. Tears stung my eyes. I turned away from him, trying to master myself. What was wrong with me?
Chade spoke as if in answer to my thought. “Fitz. Boy. Don’t expect too much of yourself just yet. I’ve seen you through a number of hard times, and this was the worst yet. Give your mind time to recover, as well as your body.”
I took a breath to tell him I was fine. Instead I said, “I expected to die down there. Alone.” And my discordant memories of my jail cell rushed back to fill me. I recalled both my terror and my despair, and felt anger that I had to bear those memories. They had left me there. Chade, the Fool, Kettricken, Dutiful—all of them.
“I feared the same,” Chade said quietly. “It was a hard time for all of us, but for you, worst of all. Still, if you had heeded me—”
“Well, of course, it was all my own fault. It always is.”
Lord Golden spoke over his shoulder to Chade. “There’s no talking to him when he’s like this. You will only upset him more. Best just to let it go for now.”
“Be silent!” I roared at him, but my voice cracked to a squeak on the second word. Chade looked at me in wordless reproach and concern. I pulled my knees up to my chest so I was sitting in a ball in the chair. My breath was coming in shuddering gasps. I wiped my sleeve across my eyes. I would not weep. They expected me to fall apart, but I would not. I had been ill, and I’d had a bad scare. That was all. I dragged in a steadying breath. “Just talk to me,” I begged Chade. I unfolded my shaking legs and planted my feet on the floor again. I hated that such weakness had come over me like that. “Tell me what is happening, without making me ask all the stupid questions. Start with Civil.”
Chade heaved a sigh. “I don’t think this is wise.” I began to protest but he held up his hand. “Nevertheless, I’ll let you have your way in this. Very well. Civil. He got to his horse and came back to Buckkeep Castle as swiftly as he could without drawing attention to himself. When he got to Dutiful, he could scarcely croak out a word for how he had been strangled. But he got it across that Lord Golden’s serving man had rescued him from murderers in Buckkeep Town. That was as much as he told Dutiful, then. It was enough for the Prince to bring to me, and for me to set other feet running.”
He cleared his throat, and then admitted, “It took us longer than it should have to find you. I had not expected you to kill nor had I thought you would let the City Guard take you alive. But when I knew you had been arrested and charged, I got a man into the cell with you as quickly as we could. Unfortunately, they had already had a healer see you, so I could not send in one of my own. The sergeant was very stubborn about releasing you. He was sure you’d killed those three men and some brawl you’d previously been involved in had marked you as a troublemaker in his eyes. Lord Golden had to complain of his missing jewels thrice before any of the guards thought to go search Laudwine’s cottage and find them there. I’d already provided a witness that you hadn’t started the fight. That was as far along as I could nudge it. By the time the sergeant put together that you’d been defending your master’s property from thieves and released you to us, it was damn near too late.”