What did I let her talk me into last night? The last thing I remember is Dee coming home from work with a big ass brown bag in her arms, screaming “liquor delivery bitch”! I guess that’s what happens when you have been friends with someone for so long. She knew I needed her, and damn it, I needed Jack. So, her announcement was met with red rimmed eyes, ratty sweats, and a best friend on her third carton of ice cream.

She knew me, and she knew I would be hurting this weekend. So, instead of letting me drink myself stupid alone, she grabbed two glasses and proceeded to get wasted with me. Helping me forget, helping me numb my mind, and just being there.

Walking over to my desk, trying to clear the fog from last night’s bender, I look down at my desk calendar and triple check the date. Yup, still August 8th. My thirtieth birthday. Also the twelve year anniversary of what is still the worst day of my life. Getting into the shower, without the aid of Jack, I can’t stop my mind from wandering back in time.

“GRAM!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Gram, oh my God, GRAM!! There’s blood, so much blood, Gram! What do I do? Why is there so so much…why is there any?” I’ve reached complete hysterical break down proportions with my wailing.

This can’t be happening! There is no way God would be so cruel to take this too!

I crash down onto my knees, doubling over and curling into myself, screaming and praying…praying and screaming. Sobbing big huge gasping sobs.

Pop’s voice finally reaches my grief-filled mind, picking my small frame up and carrying me out to his truck. “Here we go my little one, buckle up and have no worries for your beautiful heart; Pop’s got you now.”

Shaking my head, I come back from that horrible day. My eighteenth birthday is still, twelve years later, marking all the birthdays that follow with heart stopping pain. One day, I promise myself, one day I will be able to wake up on my birthday and smile. I can’t wait for that day.

Feeling slightly more human than I did a half hour ago, I throw my fluffy robe over my naked skin and take off to find my best friend.

I walk into the kitchen and smile down at the note from Dee.

Yo! Made you some grub, eat…shower, because I bet you smell like yesterday’s shit. I had to run into the office, but be ready…I’ll be home around noon. We have some serious shopping and pampering to do! That’s right, not getting out of it! LOVE-me!

Picking up the salad from the fast food joint up the street, I plop down with a smile. Made me some grub, my ass. More like drove two seconds away and paid someone else to do it. Leave it to Dee, busy as always on a Friday before a long weekend, still making sure I eat and take care of myself. Times like this remind me how lucky I am to have her in my life; I really don’t know what I would do without her. She has saved me from myself more often than I can count. Knowing she will be home in an hour is just more proof of that. She knows I need her this weekend, so she is closing up shop half a day early.

I finish up lunch and then tidy up the kitchen. I return to my room to collect some laundry and get some house work done before Dee gets home, anything to try to keep my mind free of bad memories.

I know she means well, but I would much rather stay home and just be alone.

I understand why she wants to keep me busy, I really do, but I just don’t think I will be able to do it. Another year of going through the ‘normal’ motions. Another year missing him, missing them, missing everything.

A quick peek at the clock has me picking up my speed. Little Miss Happiness should be floating in soon; I at least need to be ready before the rainbows and glitter start fucking with me.

I’m deep in my closet, trying unsuccessfully to find something to wear today when I hear her…singing. Laughing to myself, I let a smile crack my face. Dee can’t hold a tune to save her life, but that will never stop her.

She comes bouncing in my room, smiling from ear to ear, “Hey you sexy bitch, I see you decided to rock the birthday suit today. Nice choice, although, we might have some issues getting into the mall like that. I think there might be laws against this. But, hey, more power to you!” She smacks my ass on the way over to park it on my bed.

“What the hell, Dee! Door. Closed. Knock!” I try to scowl at her the way Greg always does to us, but end up laughing right along with her giggles.

She flops her flat stomach down onto my bed. “So, my sexy ‘older’ friend, what will be worn on your naked self today? I assume that is what you are doing digging around in that closet of yours.”

“I don’t know Dee,” I don’t have to fake the scowl this time, “do we have to do this today? Can’t we just stay in today? I really don’t think I am going to make good company, at all.” I’m pleading with her, and I am willing to bet I sound as desperate as I feel. I know I won’t be pleasant to be around today. I had planned on a repeat of last night. Shit faced, falling down, rip roaring drunk. Healthy? No, but it worked and why should I mess with a bad thing?

“Iz, get your skinny ass ready now. We’re going to drive down to the mall, get a new hot as fuck outfit for both of us, go see Sway at the salon and have some serious pampering before Greg comes over to take us to dinner tonight. You aren’t going to sit at home alone; I know that’s your plan. Not again, Iz, not this year.”

Her eyebrows are puckering, and she looks like she will drag me out of here naked if I don’t agree. Jesus. There really is no sense in arguing with her when she gets this worked up. I’ll just come up with some excuse later, and ditch her and Greg for a night at home with Jack.

Now, that’s a plan with some promise.

Chapter 2

We’ve been shopping for hours. Or at least it feels like hours to a person who does not enjoy shopping. Dee started dragging me around the second we walked through the doors. She is a woman on a mission.

We were in our second store; second store after the three different lingerie stores. I had more freaking panties than I would need in a lifetime. Apparently, step one of Dee’s master plan was making sure I had new everything. I put my foot down the second I noticed her intent. No freaking way.

After a small fight, she finally agreed; one outfit, one complete outfit, and that’s all.

And that brings us to now.

I have tried on what feels like the whole entire dress department. There is always something she finds wrong with each one. Finally, she thrust a bright candy apple red scarf at me. I say scarf because there is no way there is enough material to call this a dress.

“Uh, Dee…where is the rest of it?” I question.

“That’s it, Iz. I just know it, that is the dress!” She’s bouncing, literally bouncing up and down in place. Her curly hair is jumping right along with her. If I wasn’t so annoyed I would think she was pretty damn cute right now.

“There is no way I am wearing that, Dee. Is there even a back on that thing? And, and my vagina is seriously going to be playing peekaboo all night. There is no way, no way at all.” I’m practically panting with anxiety. I’ve spent the last two years hiding my body. I had lost all the weight I gained during my marriage, but I still see the fat girl I once was when I look in the mirror. Dee was constantly on my ass to stop wearing my ‘ratty ass jeans and man shirts’, which is what she affectionately calls my lack of style. I like my style, jeans and tees, it’s easy and perfect.

Shit.

Sighing, I look down at the scrap of beautiful red material, thinking to myself, it’s just one night, one night of wearing a scarf to keep that smile on Dee’s face. After everything she has done, parading around with my vagina smiling at the world is a small price to pay.

“Alright, you pushy little shit, I’ll see what it looks like on, but don’t blame me if it doesn’t work.” I tell her with fake exasperation.

Turning from her smiling face, I step into the dressing room and remove my street clothes once again. Once I pull the miniscule piece of fashion over my hips, I bring the tiny strings that will hold this ‘dress’ on my body over my arms and set them in place on my shoulders. Reaching behind me for the zipper, I meet bare skin. Called it, I thought to myself. Placing my palm against my back, I confirm that there is in fact, no back. I slowly turn around and face the mirror, sealing my fate. Unable to stop the small gasp that escapes my lips, I look myself up and down.

Is that me?

The dress fits perfectly, but then again with Dee, I knew it would. The front of the dress fits snuggly across my chest, making my average sized chest look a cup larger than my small C’s. The straight neckline starts just under my collarbone, essentially covering everything. The small straps go over my shoulders making my frame look sleek and petite.

Not too bad.

Taking a deep breath, I turn around to check out the damage. Another small gasp escapes before I bite my lip and I take in everything the back lacks. You can see the straps holding the dress up, hugging my shoulders as if they fear any second they could snap. I follow the exposed line of my spine all the way down to the two dimples above my ass, and the small piece of red fabric hugging my cheeks, barely.

How am I supposed to wear underwear with this dress?

Dee chooses this moment to start tapping on the dressing room door impatiently.

“Izzzzzy,” she sings, “Izzy, I know what you’re doing in there. Stop freaking your freak and let me see!”

I crack the door, giving her another one of Greg’s mean looks. “I’m going to kill you for this.”

She laughs as she pushes herself into the dressing room with me, taking me in from top to bottom, and then back again. The smile that comes over her face creeps me the hell out, I don’t think I have ever seen that look before. She looks so…shit…she is practically oozing joy.

“I knew it, I just knew it. Izzy, you have been hiding this banging body for way too long. No more, maybe we should keep shopping,” she looks down at her watch, “there’s still time. I could have you outfitted in a few hours. The works, dresses, skirts, slacks, blouses…” She trails off; I don’t even think she is speaking to me anymore. I am almost a hundred percent sure her eyes have just glossed over.

“Denise Anne Roberts, you calm yourself downright the hell now. I told you one outfit, ONE, I did not say we would spend the rest of eternity buying the whole damn mall. One, Dee, one dress. I already caved on the lingerie.” I whisper sharply at her.

She gives me a hurt look before that creepy little grin comes back.

“Okay, okay…damn Iz, no more clothes for now. But, one day you will let me do a complete makeover. We still need shoes, so let’s go birthday girl, get naked and let me have that awesome dress while you put those ratty ass jeans and ugly ass man shirt back on.”

She’s bouncing again, and damn it, even though I smile I’m slightly worried about what I just got myself into.

Two hours later we finally reach the salon and our favorite stylist in the world, Sway. Sway is a short, fat African-American man, with long platinum blond hair. When he isn’t rocking his trademark heels I can almost look him in the eye. Sway, whose real name is Dilbert Harrison, III, is the funniest man I have ever met. How often, in small-town Georgia, does a small black man come up to you with four inch heels, skinny jeans, and a tight fitting shirt, kiss both cheeks and pronounce you looking “marvelous, darling”? Not very often, I promise you that.