WHEN I WAKE UP, I
loll about in my bed for a while, stretching out my arms and legs like a big X, reaching north, south, east, west. Last night feels like a dream. Is it really true? Am I really going to
UNC
?
Yes, yes I really am. How crazy, how thrilling that your whole life trajectory can change in just one night. I�ve always been scared of change, but right now I don�t feel that way. I feel excited. I�m seeing now what a privilege it is, to be excited about where I�m going. Peter and Chris and Lucas, they�re going where they want to go, but my future felt like a second choice because it was, no matter how great a school William and Mary is.
UNC
is a choice I didn�t even know I had, like a door that magically appeared, a door that could lead anywhere.
When I�m done with my reverie, I look at my clock and see that I�ve slept the whole day away. I sit up, turn my phone on, and see all the missed calls and voice mails from my dad and Kitty from the night before. I delete those without listening to them, so I don�t have to hear the anger in Daddy�s voice; then I see that Peter left me a voice mail too. When I see his name on my phone, my heart does a little dive into my stomach. There are texts, too, wondering where I am. I call him back, but he doesn�t answer, so I figure he must be training. I leave a message telling him to
just come over when he gets back home. We�re supposed to go to Steve Bledell�s party tonight. I�m nervous to tell Peter the news. Our plan was set, and now I�m changing things around, but it�s not like I knew this door would open for me. He�ll understand. I know he will.
I flop back on my bed and FaceTime Margot. She�s outside walking, on her way somewhere. �What�s up?� she asks.
�Guess what.�
�What!�
�I got into
UNC
!�
She promptly screams and drops her phone. Thankfully, it falls in the grass. She scrambles to pick it up. She�s still screaming. �Oh my God! This is amazing! This is the best news! When did you find out?�
I roll onto my stomach. �Yesterday! Chris and I went to visit last night, and Gogo, it was so much fun. We went to see a band play, and we danced and we screamed ourselves silly. My throat is sore!�
�So wait�you�re going, right?�
�Yes!�
Margot screams again, and I laugh. �What�s
UNC
�s campus like?� she demands.
�Well, it�s a lot like
UVA
.�
�I�ve heard that. I�ve heard the campuses are very similar. The towns, too. Both liberal, but Chapel Hill maybe even a little more so. Lots of great minds there. I can�t wait to look at the course book with you.� She starts walking again. �You�re going to love it there. Maggie Cohen, she was a year above me, she
loves
it. You should talk to her.� Beaming, Margot says to me, �This is when everything begins, Lara Jean. You�ll see.�
* * *
After I get off the phone with Margot, I take a bubble bath and do all my rituals: face mask, loofah, brown sugar�lavender scrub. In the bath, I practice what I�m going to say to Peter.
There are two trees, on opposite sides, and their branches meet in the middle
. . . . I stay in for so long, Kitty screams at me to hurry up. When I get out of the tub, I dry my hair and then curl it; I redo my nails and I even apply the lemon cuticle cream I bought but never remember to use.
Daddy, Trina, and Kitty have gone out to see a movie, so I�m all alone in the house when Peter arrives around eight. He�s wearing new
UVA
sweats; his hair is freshly washed and still damp. He smells like Dove soap, which I love on him. He pulls me in for a hug, leaning his body weight into me. �I�m so sore,� he says, falling onto the living room couch. �Can we not go to Steve�s tonight? I just want to stay here and hang out with you and not have to talk to people. I�m fucking exhausted.�
�Sure,� I say, and take a deep breath to tell him my news, but then he looks up at me with weary eyes.
�Those guys on the team are in incredible shape. It was hard to keep up.�
I frown. �Hey, you�re in good shape too.�
�Not as good as them. I need to get my act together.� He rubs the back of his neck. �So are you finally gonna tell me where you were last night?�
I sit down on the couch and face him, my legs tucked
under my butt. I put the backs of my hands to my cheeks, which feel flushed. Then I put them in my lap. �Well, okay.� I pause. �Are you ready for this?�
He laughs. �Yeah, I�m ready.�
�Okay. This is so crazy, but I was in North Carolina with Chris.�
Peter raises his eyebrows. �Weird. Okay. Go on.�
�I was there because . . . I got into
UNC
!�
He blinks. �Wow. That�s . . . wow. That�s awesome.�
I take another deep breath. �I didn�t think I�d want to go there, but then when Chris and I visited, the town was really charming, and the people were really nice, and there�s this bench, by the Old Well, where if you lie down and look up, two trees on opposite sides, they meet in the middle. Their branches touch, like this.� I start to demonstrate, and then I stop, because I realize Peter isn�t really listening. He�s staring into space. �What are you thinking?�
�Does this mean you�re going there now and not William and Mary?�
I hesitate. �Yes.�
He nods to himself. �I�m happy for you, I am. It just sucks that you�re going to be so far away. Like, if I had to get in my car and drive to Chapel Hill right now, I�d fall asleep at the wheel. How far away is Charlottesville from Chapel Hill? Four hours?�
I feel a sinking sensation in my stomach. �Three hours and twenty-five minutes. I know it sounds long, but I swear it goes by fast!�
�That�s double how long it takes to get from
Charlottesville to William and Mary. And that�s without traffic.� He drops his head back against the couch.
�It�s not double,� I say quietly. �It�s an extra hour and a half.�
He looks over at me, and I see the regret in his eyes. �I�m sorry. I�m just really wiped right now. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. Not you and me, but college. I�m going to be at practice 24/7, and when I�m not at practice, I�m training or I�m in class or I�m sleeping. It�s gonna be intense. Nothing like high school. It�s a lot of pressure. And . . . I didn�t think you�d be so far away.�
I�ve never seen him like this before. He looks so defeated. When it comes to lacrosse, to school, he�s always so easygoing, so confident. Everything�s always come easily for him. �Peter, you�re going to be great. You�re just starting out. Once you get the hang of things, it�ll be like always.� Shyly I say, �And . . . we�ll get the hang of things too.�
All of a sudden he sits up straight. �You know what? Let�s go to that party.�
�Are you sure?�
�Sure. You�re all dressed up. Let�s not waste your hair.� He pulls me toward him. �Let�s celebrate your big W.�
I put my arms around him and hug him to me. His shoulders feel tight; I can feel the tension in his back. Most boys wouldn�t notice a thing like that: that I curled my hair, put on a blouse. I try to concentrate on that and not on how he didn�t really congratulate me.
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